Hello From Florida!

It's all over, the party thing, and I've had a great visit with all my family. The dvd went over well, I didn't flub up the toast, and I was even stunned to find out that I was seated at the head table, with my Dad and his wife, and his brother and his wife. What an honor that was for me!

Dad was aghast when he opened the door to the room, and we all shouted "SURPRISE!" at him. We were a little worried when he then didn't continue to walk into the room, but cornered his wife behind the door. It looked like he was going to kill her. She later told me that he was reminding her that they had made a promise to each other to never throw a party like this for each other, and she broke that promise.

Dad kicked into politician mode and began working his way around the room, thanking everyone for coming. He saw my sister Leslie first (who lives in the area), then my deaf sister Lisa (and I could tell he was visibly shook up that she was there), and then, about 15 other guests later he found me, against the back wall of the room, waiting in line to shake his hand and hug him. When I held him close, I said into his ear "Happy Birthday, Dad!" and he choked out "Oh, Jimmy! Holy cow!"

My mom pointed out that seeing me was what made him cry. I've got to tell you, he wasn't the only guy crying in that hug.

The love that was pouring out of the guests towards him was just simply amazing. He is loved by SO many people, not just family. The real estate office where he works all showed up. Many fellow members of his church were there. I heard story after story from people I've never met before about how important Dad is to them. They kissed on him, they shook his hand, they rubbed his back.

My favorite moment was when he went to cut the birthday cake. The DJ had a piped in version of "Happy Birthday" playing, and we all sang along. Dad conducted us, using the cake knife as his baton. When the part of the song came when we sang his name, he turned the cake knife at himself, pointing out that he, indeed, was the birthday boy, and that the name we sang was his.

He was grinning from ear to ear.

The dvd played in a corner of the room with the sound turned off. No big deal. The DJ was blaring music from his perch and it would have conflicted. Throughout the night, there was always a little group of people huddled around the monitor watching it. I received many compliments about it.

I hugged and kissed on my mother and I bought Rebecca's boyfriend/common law husband a drink at the bar. I got a chance to remind him that he is family still, that he is my brother always, and that I love him.

I tried to figure out how to have sex with the DJ. Really cute guy. He never left to use the men's room ONCE all night. Seriously!


Well, it's Monday night, and I fly back to Texas tomorrow morning. I'm glad this is over; I need to get my head back in my job - and it hasn't been there since the middle of December. But I think this was a nice little opportunity for the family to heal a bit after the death of my sister.

Thanks for putting up with my fretting and worrying about all of this. That's how I roll: I worry.

A Toast To My Father

My Father is a Big Man

Compared to other men

I stand in his shadow

And watch his Drive and his Dignity

Challenge a world of

Certain Uncertainty

He is Strength

He is Skill

He is everything I try to be

And most I never will

But he's very much a part of me

And grows inside me still

I hope to see the things he's seen

I hope he sees the Light he brings

I am the son of a very Big Man

A very great man, indeed!

This is a verse I wrote a few years back that I included on a birthday card I sent to him once. His wife has asked that I toast him with it at his party tomorrow night. It will be a huge honor.

I Stole This Link From Dick Small's Blog...

but he got it from Teri, anyway, so it's not like he worked hard to get it or anything.

What Jimmy City Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

What's" Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Sunday MopUp 1/6/07

What? You expect me to take the time to chat you up about what is going on in jimmycity? Shit, people! My back is up against the WALL with this friggin' dvd that I need to have done by Friday night of this next week. My dad's big birthday party is next SATURDAY in Florida, and I am fucking fighting this dvd-maker software every damned day! I spent THREE HOURS today, importing and sorting jpegs into the program only to hit a wrong button and WIPE EVERYTHING OUT when I was done.

I am a moron, and I am deep into panic mode right now.

Look, if I manage to pull my head out of my ass and make this work, I intend to publish the thing on YouTube, so that I can embed it into a blog post for you to see, okay? Meanwhile, just let me have my little meltdown and temper tantrum and let me be absent for a while, all right?

I'll check back after this week. I leave for Florida Saturday morning and will be back Tuesday the 15th. I promise to have something to say other than curse words sometime thereafter.

But, until then, HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I am in serious trouble here!

HAPPY NUDE YEAR!

Hey, you celebrate the way YOU want to, and I'll celebrate the way I want to!

Here's hoping 2008 is a little kinder and gentler on a few of us. I could use a break!

End Of The Year Lists

Look, I don't buy enough new music to be able to cull the "Top Ten of 2007" out of a huge pile of cds, or go to the movies enough to have ten favorite films for the year. But, I listened to some new stuff, and watched some cool things, and I'm going to post my half-assed list of my favorites of both.

Just so that you know that I realize what I'm doing here is ridiculous.

Best Records Of 2007 (that I spent money on):

1. Arcade Fire "Neon Bible"

The songs are simple folk tunes, really, but arranged and performed with such over-the-top orchestration that they just hit you in the head like a wall of sound. "Keep The Car Running" is still one of my most favorite roadtrip tunes, and I have no idea why. I just drove to Dallas and back, and singing along with that freaking song just makes me laugh and kinda cry.

2. LCD Soundsystem "Sound Of Silver"

Proof that dance music can be smart and rock out, and have soul. I discovered James Murphy and his band a few years ago when "Daft Punk Is Playing At My House" was a video on MTV2. I'll admit that I was afraid to spend money on the cd, because I had a bit of an aversion to dance music. But, when this cd came out, I just bit my lip and shelled out the cash and, man, am I glad I did! I think I love it because it seems like "Garage-Dance-Punk"...or something. Get Innocuous" and "Us v. Them" are my favorite tracks.

3. Glen Hansard & Markta Irglova "Once - the original motion picture soundtrack"

Tiny movie about an Irish folk singer who meets and collaborates with a Czech immigrant in Ireland. They make a demo tape of music. Each song seems chalked full of sincerity and personal insight. By the end of the movie, you root for these two artists and you feel like you've come to know two real people. Oops, this isn't supposed to be about the movie, but about the music in the movie. I can't separate the two. Rent the dvd. If you like it, you'll want the cd.

4. Spoon "Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga"

Britt Daniel and Spoon are an Austin band, but this record is bigger than Austin. The guy sure knows how to make quirky music that sounds familiar enough to be called Pop Rock, but veers away into some weird little figure so that you are always having to pay attention to try and keep up with him. He noodles around in the studio a bunch. His compositions are always laden with little treasures, sonic layers and tricks, and then he takes them away from the listener. Lots of hooks that never get repeated enough for them to really be hooks. This is a cd that will just get better and better with time. Cool Stuff. SNL even featured Spoon as the musical guest back in the Fall. This may not be the release that breaks Spoon into "The Big Time", but I'd bet the bank that their day will come. Faves include "Don't Make Me A Target" and "Don't You Evah".

5. Foo Fighters "Echoes, Silence, Patience, & Grace"

Thank God SOMEONE had the balls to make an actual Rock And Roll record this year! Where the fuck has Rock gone? Well, it is safe in the hands of Dave Grohl and his band. Guitars that chug and chime, drums that crack and rattle, and a bass the drives right into my spinal column, this is the cd to jam on when I just wanna get LOUD! The beauty part is that it's a record filled with melody and careful arrangement.

I first fell for Foo Fighters way back when "The Color And The Shape" first came out. What was that, like, 1997? To tell the truth, I thought that record was a fluke. I mean, how could someone who played drums for Kurt Cobain in Nirvana actually pull off leading his own band, stepping out from behind the drum kit, and be the songwriting frontman that he has become? Seriously, how could that happen? Well, it did. With each release, Grohl and company prove themselves all over again. He's no fluke. Favorites include "The Pretender", "Erase/Replace".

Best Movies of 2007 (that I spent money to see) (NOT in any particular order!):

1. Once

See above

2. Transformers

I am as embarrassed for myself as you are for me. Goofy, stupid, cheesy, and just a whole lot of fun. Kinda like sex with me.

3. Ratatouille

Not embarrassed about this one. Sweet, deep, and satisfying, even if it IS about rats in the kitchen!

4. The Bourne Ultimatum

I really didn't think I'd like this, since every time I see Matt Damon now, I think of that marionette of him in "Team America". Fuck yeah! But this movie never slowed down long enough for me to remember that. It was just relentless, and Damon pulled it off. Who knew?

5. The Host

Okay, this is a Korean movie about a monster that comes up out of an industrialized, polluted river and starts eating people. The thing is a mutant fish or something. The story is of a family of losers who have to save the youngest of their family from the fish that abducts her and is saving her for a snack some time in the future. It's hard to follow, because sometimes sub-titles suck (but are ALWAYS preferrable to overdubs!), and there are language and cultural issues that can befuddle you. But all-in-all, I enjoyed the mixture of humor and horror. The ending was really very sweet.

6. Superbad

You either like this movie or hate it. I see the flaws and can accept why some just hate it, but I found it refreshing and funny and honest in the relationship between the two boys who are the center of the story. And, the kid who played McLovin came out of NOWHERE to steal the show.
Seth Rogan will some day love me as I love him. Just wait.

7. Hot Fuzz

Look, I saw this on dvd just over Christmas, so I didn't pay to see it at the theatre. Shut up. If you saw "Shaun Of The Dead" and liked it, you will love this movie. Same guys made it. Quirky British sense of humor and story-telling, but with more of a budget this time. Not that they used the extra money wisely. It's like they didn't know how to end it, which made me laugh all the harder. Just freaking ridiculous when all is said and done. I'm sensing such a style as these two movies have is an aquired taste, but I found them delicious. Nick Frost is a superstar, in my book.



Well.

I told you my lists would be half-assed, and they surely are. But, these were the cds and movies that I enjoyed the most this year. What were yours?

New Addition To My Blogroll

Hey, if Grant Miller Media claims you're 2007's Blog Of The Year (Chicago-wise), then you are someone I am going to follow like a hawk! Click on the logo to visit Constant Winter, a woman who may just be smarter funnier than the rest of us combined, using less words than I thought humanly possible.

And, her cartoons are freaking brilliant.

Today Is A Special Day

Yes, today is a special day for me. Like most important days in my life, I will be introspective and quiet and amazed at all this day means. But this "special day" has extra significance to me.

Today is my birthday.

Today I turn (eek!) 49 years old.

Could someone slow the ride down just a tad? I mean, I'm having a wonderful time, but Holy MOLY, things are blazing by me pretty fast.

Today I begin the last year of my forties. Man, oh man!

Some people my age are grandparents. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do and BE when I grow up. Why am I so far behind the curve? What in the Hell am I doing?!?

Well, I'm doing the best that I can. I am being myself. I am trying to accept my place in The Pattern and work WITH it, instead of against it. I have a heart full of Love that I am determined to share with those I meet along the way. The ones I don't want to kill, that is.

I make ridiculous mistakes, nearly daily, but I try to not beat myself up over them. I am impatient, and loud, and WAY too self-involved.

And, I hope to do better for my forty-ninth try at it.

Do you feel your age? Are you amazed at how old you are?

A Blast From My Past

I'm up to my ass in putting together a slideshow of family pics for my Dad's surprise 75th birthday party in January. I found this photo of me at, what?, about 5, 6, or 7 maybe? I don't know. I just think I was pretty freakin' cute is all I'm saying. All ears and one big tooth. Sweet!

Forgive Me If You've Heard This...

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports.
They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency, and Satan was faster than hell. Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work. Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"

God just shrugged and said, "Jesus saves."

T'was The Night Before Christmas

Hi. I'm in Dallas, spending the holiday with a buddy. It's quiet, and laid-back here. I wanted to say that whoever you are, wherever you are, my wish is for you is a special and meaningful holiday.

As a gay man, many of you may think that I am without a relationship with God. Well, you are wrong yet I have no desire to try to convince you otherwise.

I wish for Peace. I wish for Love. I wish for Healing.

To all the friends I have come to know through this here little blog: Thank you. Bless you. I am honored to know you.

Merry Christmas!

Big Love,

jim

Merry Christmas From Ashton Kutcher!

Google Image Search: "Naked Fireman"






- this is what popped up.

Enough With The Music, OKAY?

Alright, I turned the automatic function off of my jukebox. I just wanted some of you'se to actually hear the song. For those of you who missed it, feel free to go up to "jimmy's jukebox" and hit play. Rufus's tune is loaded right up top, and you can hear what has been playing over and over in my head the past couple of days.

Perhaps I should clue you in that one of the reasons I think the song hits me in the throat (besides the whole gay subtext and acknowledgement of my self-destructive tendencies) is that my sister Rebecca's FAVORITE hangover remedy involved chugging store-bought chocolate milk with her morning cigarette when she had partied a li'l too hard the night before. "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk", indeed.

So, yeah, the song reminded me of me, but it also reminded me of Rebel.

And that made me smile.

Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk
- Rufus Wainwright

Cigarettes and chocolate milk
These are just a couple of my cravings
Everything it seems I likes a little bit stronger
A little bit thicker, a little bit harmful for me

If I should buy jellybeans
Have to eat them all in just one sitting
Everything it seems I likes a little bit sweeter
A little bit fatter, a little bit harmful for me

And then theres those other things
Which for several reasons we wont mention
Everything about em is a little bit stranger, a little bit harder
A little bit deadly

Its not very smart
Tends to make one part
So brokenhearted

Sitting here remembering me
Always been a shoe made for the city
Go ahead accuse me of just singing about places
With scrappy boys faces have general run of the town

Playing with prodigal sons
Take a lot of sentimental valiums
Cant expect the world to be your raggedy andy
While running on empty you little old doll with a frown

You got to keep in the game
Retaining mystique while facing forward
I suggest a reading of lesson in tightropes
Or surfing your high hopes or adios kansas

Its not very smart
Tends to make one part
So brokenhearted

Still theres not a show on my back
Holes or a friendly intervention
Im just a little bit heiress, a little bit irish
A little bit tower of pisa
Whenever I see ya
So please be kind if Im a mess

Cigarettes and chocolate milk
Cigarettes and chocolate milk

-thanks to Sam

I've Been Tagged!!!

The amazing Bigg has finally done something no other man (or woman!) has ever done to me: he popped my meme cherry! Yes, up until this very day, no one has ever tagged me to do one of these things and, quite frankly, I have been green with envy as I have watched and read others playing this little interview game. Now, I have seen bloggers open a meme up to anyone who wanted to join in and participate, but I'm hardly the type to invite myself to a party - so I just sat back and waited for my turn to be asked personally, figuring it would never happen. Well, guess fuckin' what - it just happened!

Yay! seriously, this is a big deal to me!

Then, I notice, lo and behold! that this meme isn't about silly stuff I can share. You know, asking about favorite sexual fantasies/exploits, or embarrassing anecdotes from my childhood. No, this meme doesn't center on the crotch or the funny bone. This meme is all about the heart. Considering how gooey and sappy I have been in recent weeks here anyway, I guess this will dovetail nicely. It's just not what I expected for my virginal voyage. So, here goes:

The instructions:

1) Post a note about a blogger you would like to see something wonderful happen for. Maybe one whose posts have touched your heart in one way or another. Include details as to why you admire them and what you wish for them. Be as supporting and affirming as you can.
2) Post your favorite memory around selflessness, giving, or doing for others. Something that has actually changed you.
3) As a postscript, name one thing you will actually do for someone in your life before December 31 that is born out of joy.
4) Tag 3 other bloggers who will play the game and find the spirit. Don't forget to leave a comment on their blog so they continue to share the good feelings.

The responses:

1) At the risk of looking like a Kiss Ass, I have to admit that the first blogger to come to mind here is the man who tagged me. I have followed Bigg for well over a year now, and his story continues to be compelling and heartbreaking, yet courageous and Life-affirming.

What started as a blog about a mature man coming out of the closet, turned into a blog about a man dealing with dating and falling in love with another man, which then incorporated the story lines of divorce and fatherhood, and then turned on a dime into a blog about mortality, sickness, and cancer. Yet, the whole time, his story has been about Dignity and the Human Spirit.

He is so strong that I feel like he's teaching me how to be a Man as I read him, and yet so stubborn that I want to shake him by the shoulders and lecture him until he comes around to MY point of view. I believe in my heart of hearts that if we lived anywhere near each other, we would be dear friends. Or, he'd have me whacked because I'd be such a nuisance. Either could be true.

I don't comment on his posts much anymore, because I feel he's got such a strong group of supporters that my two cents often just echoes what everyone is telling him already. But I look in on him nearly every day. I adore this guy. Always will.

My wish for him is Health and Happiness. He deserves it so.

2) I KNOW I just posted about this, but the story of how my little sisters went out of their way to attend to my older sister's corpse after she died is just profoundly moving to me. This was an act of selflessness that I, as a family member, could NEVER have done myself. It has completely changed how I view my younger sisters now. Before this they were cute, and sweet, and...well... young! Now, I see them as deeply loving and Spiritual and full of a maturity that I can only hope to know one day myself.

3) My "selfless act" before the end of the year involves taking on the project of making a dvd of my father's life to be presented at his surprise 75th birthday party on January 12th. I am already knee-deep in family photos (some of my own, and many, many from other family and friends) that need to be scanned, cropped, assembled, edited together, and set to music. The family also wants me to narrate the thing when it is shown at the party, so I'm going to have to develop a "script" for the presentation.

Silly me, I thought this would be no big deal when I got roped into it. Now, I see how much time it is going to take, and how my family has expectations about how it will turn out. Distilling a man's life down into a 20 minute slide show that catches glimpses of his history, sense of humor, his dedication to his family, and his Faith is a real challenge. I hope to do it justice. Right now, I'm a wee bit overwhelmed, but deep inside I am bursting with pride that I have been given the opportunity to honor this incredible man and share my love of him with a room full of people who feel the same way as I do.

4) Okay, here's where I tag three others! As a gay man, I am all about the Divas in my world, and I would like to single out three of my favorites. So, Kirby, and Sue Doe-Nim, and my darling Mel, please step up and spill your guts. If I ever get tagged again, I'll go gunning for some of my favorite Men-types. That's a promise.

More Proof That I Have Turned Into An Old Man

Here it is Friday Night and here I am enjoying it in a way that makes me blush: I have spent the entire evening cooking.

Yes, I admit it, I wanted nothing more all day than to do what I am doing. See, it was a cold and wet and dark and gloomy day here in Texas. It wasn't super cold, but it was the kind of chill that seeps right down into your bones. I knew at about 11AM this morning what I longed to do tonight.

So, right after work, I flew to the grocery store and bought my supplies. It was cheap, the fixins.

And it was worth it.

After 4 hours of chopping and slaving away over a huge pot, I am happy to report that I can make some killer fucking chicken soup. And I made enough to live off of for the better part of a week.

I am happy to be home and taking care of myself. It's been a rough couple of weeks, and I needed to find a simple way to pamper myself. This was it. Homemade chicken soup.

It's the little things, babies!

A Whizz

Woke up to pee and thought I jump on to say howdy. Howdy! Did I mention the other day how weird it was to sit in the waiting room at the urologist's office with a HERD of wrinkly-faced and grimmacing old men? I have seen the future, and it has an enlarged prostate.

Yikes.

I'm heading back to bed. Stay warm, you snugglebunnies!

I Feel HUMAN Again!

The stint is out of me (and, yes, fucking OUCH! when they took it out) and I am glad to be alive.

I worked a full day at the job today, and hugged two co-workers at different points, just cuz I'm so GLAD that shit is over.

I'm a hugger.

Not the most professional tendency at work when you are a supervisor. The guys I attacked kinda liked it today, though.

I'm drinking OceanSpray Cranberry/Blueberry 100% juice (no sugar added). If I could afford to bathe in this stuff, I would. Tommorrow I stop.

It's raining penises outside right now. Uh, maybe I mean that it's pissing down rain, or something.

I hope you love your life, too.

Sunday MopUp 12/09/07

Pardon my tardiness. Just a note to let you know where I am.

Mom Turns 73

It's my Mother's birthday today! Man, she's having a tough time of it. She called me from the road, returning back to Michigan from Virginia, so I could wish her a "Happy Birthday". I told her how much I love her and how her children can see how much she loves us. She'll be enveloped in grief for a while yet, and I intend to give her the space she needs to grieve.

She also told me a story about my younger twin sisters, Leslie and Lisa. Seems these two amazing women took it upon themselves to dress and prepare their older sister for her viewing at the memorial service. They not only clothed the body, which is a daunting and disturbing task under any circumstance, but was addedly difficult because so many internal organs had been harvested for organ donation. The funeral home staff supervised her dressing, but the hands on her body were those of her siblings. Wow. They also fixed her hair, did her make-up (Leslie apparently plucked her eyebrows a bit, knowing Rebel would have wanted to look her best), and gave her a manicure with fresh "nails" (she always loved those fake nail-things).

Afer the service, Lisa (the deaf sister) carefully cut the long locks of Rebecca's hair from her head. This was the last of Rebel's donations: her hair will go to that company that makes wigs for children with cancer who undergo chemotherapy.

This strikes me as a brave and beautiful tribute for two sisters to prepare the body of a loved one for burial, to be so intimately involved. Seems like a ritual that has occurred for humans for ages and ages. I thought of the ancient Egyptians. I thought of my deaf sister and her need to visually say "good bye", and how this act allowed for that. I thought about how strong and loving the women in my family are.

I thought about how there was no fucking way I'd ever do such a thing. I'm so proud of them for this, I could just burst.

Rebecca was cared for, and loved, and handled by family throughout her final journey. It blew me away. I'll never look at my "little sisters" in the same way ever again. I am in awe.

The Last Step In An Unpleasant Process

I go to the urologist tomorrow to get the stint removed from my ureter. One last trip in through the out door. I shudder to think about it. I will survive. After tomorrow, it's all over.

One Good Thing About Being Sick

...is that I dropped some serious weight. My pants be FALLIN' off my ass. Was re-introduced to my erection the other day, and - MAN!- it sure feels like I'm packin' extra poundage in THAT department! (that's right: I said "poundage"!)


I'm going back to work tomorrow to put in some time until my urologist appointment at 2PM. So, I'm headed to bed. Thanks for checkin' on me, folks. I love ya'll and will post again soon.