Sunday, August 31, 2008

Sunday Mop Up 08/31/08

I'm still sad, I'm still lame, I'm on Nutrisystem to jumpstart my weightloss, and I need to go away for a little while. Doing this should be fun, and inspired, and I should be motivated and engaged, right?

Well, I'm not.

Thanks for all the emails of encouragement from my special friends, and the comments in the comments section from others of you.

I'm going out of town next weekend for another social event and maybe it will be thrilling enough to get me to post. But, like, I'm not holding my breath.

Big Love.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Sunday Mop Up 08/24/08

Ugh! Seriously. It's my weekly Sunday Mop Up. Whatever.

More Personal Stuff (like there's ever anything else on this blog)

Here are the bullet points:

* I am stuck, weightwise. Spent Thursday at the doctor's office in Houston and was scolded that I eat too much, too fast, too often, am not drinking enough water daily, and am not exercising hard enough. I wanted to jump out of his 7th story window.

* I have called it off with DQ. Well, I told him that I "needed time" and that it wasn't his fault. And I do, and it's not. I immediately curled into the fetal position on the bed. I am going to die a lonely old man. I wanted to jump out of my second story bedroom window.

* Work fucks with my head on a daily basis. It's that time of year, but it is intensified because we aren't reporting to the person to whom we used to report. He's gone now. My department is currently a political football that three different VPs are trying to control. I am considering jumping out of my groundfloor office window on Monday. Hey, I'd still hurt myself. Trust.

* Then, to top it all off, I am being a freaking baby, and I get this sweet, supportive comment on last week's surly post from Bigg, of all people, and I am stunned at how ridiculous I am being. This is a guy grappling with Life and Death on a daily basis, and I sit here pissing in my diapers about not being "loved". Jesus!

So, let me say a BIG thank you to those of you who have checked in with me and took the time to write. One special guy went out of his way to email me at my personal email address, and his concern made me smile and turned me on. See, that's how I'm built. If I'm not complaining, I am cruising.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid Movie

Step Brothers. Oh My God! SO bad. And I think I laughed the loudest of anyone in the theatre when Will Ferrell molested the drum kit.

It might have been funnier if Rosie O'Donnell had been in it.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Sunday Mop Up 8/17/08

I feel myself turning inward again. I am cutting myself off from the world. I feel alone. I never fit in.

It's my Sunday Mop Up.

Personal Stuff

Really, I just want to take a pass on spilling my guts this week, okay? I have a drs appointment on Thursday in Houston to see how I am doing on the weight loss. Maybe I can talk about what I'm feeling about it all after that.


So stupid that I HAD to laugh. But, come on, what Ben Stiller movie isn't stupid? Fuck the PC Police, you can tell everyone had a BLAST making this movie. And, I swear, there are some scenes where you just shake your head at how "out there" the actors get. I really enjoyed this. Stiller and Downey and Black and Cruise and McConaughey all chewing up the scenery in a dumbass summer movie? Count me in!

A Song That Has Been In My Head Lately

The Secret O' Life

The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time

Any fool can do it

There aint nothing to it

Nobody knows how we got to the top of the hill

But since were on our way down

We might as well enjoy the ride

The secret of love is in opening up your heart

Its okay to feel afraid

But dont let that stand in your way

cause anyone knows that love is the only road

And since were only here for a while

Might as well show some style

Give us a smile

Isnt it a lovely ride?

Sliding down-Gliding down

Try not to try too hard

Its just a lovely ride

Now the thing about time is that time isnt really real

Its just your point of view

How does it feel for you

Einstein said he could never understand it all

Planets spinning through space

The smile upon your face

Welcome to the human race

Some kind of lovely ride

Ill be sliding down-Ill be gliding down

Try not to try too hard

Its just a lovely ride!

Now the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

[For what it's worth, I think "Try not to try too hard" should be added as the 11th Commandment!]

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Sunday Mop Up 8/10/08

It's the end of the day. I've had a shitty weekend. I got really sick yesterday afternoon with a sinus headache that felt like someone was stepping on my head. I've wasted two glorious days feeling like crap, and I have to go back to work tomorrow. Great. This is my end of the week Sunday Mop Up. Now, even lamer than usual!

The Olympics

Okay, just let me get this off my chest. I saw parts of the Opening Ceremonies Friday night and what I witnessed was AMAZING! To call it "beautiful" does not do it justice. People flew like fairies, calligraphy was drawn, like magic, on a big unraveling scroll. Lights and fireworks and magic and spectacle were EVERYwhere. 2008 drummers played, in unison, like one single entity. Do you understand that I found it impressive? For I surely did. China out "Hollywood"-ed every Olympic ceremony that came before, and set the bar for every future ceremony to come. But, I have something more important to say:

Fuck you, China!

and, more importantly:

Fuck you, Olympic Committee that allowed China to host the games this year! Fuck you hard!

The ceremonies, rife with pageantry and color and wonder, were nothing more than a Marketing Opportunity for this communist regime to woo the greedy western corporate machine and make us all believe that they are a welcoming economic resource and deserve a place at the table with the democracies of the world.

Fuck you.

Don't parade a plethora of costume-wearing children in front of me, all smiles and waves, and expect me to forget about your pathetic record of Human Rights atrocities and violations. Don't think that I didn't watch the proceedings and wonder how many thousands of people busted their asses for little-to-no money so that you could put lipstick on that pig. I heard commentators mention that, during rehearsals, performers were admonished to "Smile More! Look Happy!" by the producers and directors of the ceremonies.

Sure, fuck you, China. But more: fuck you Olympic Committee for giving them the chance to blow smoke up the world's ass. Hosting these events should be an honor bestowed upon countries who work to give Human and Civil Rights a chance to flourish. I think it was a sin to allow China this opportunity. They do not deserve it.

So, I applaud the amazing work done by the people of China during the ceremonies. And, I root for all athletes in these competitions. And I am disgusted by what the Olympics have turned into.

moving on...

Skinny Jeans

I went to the clothes store for the Portly & Piggly today and bought myself a new pair of jeans for work. I am happy to report that I bought a pair THREE sizes smaller in the waist than what I was wearing earlier in the year. That's six inches, folks! In fact, I was able to put on, zip up AND button a pair that was FOUR sizes smaller in the waist (eight inches!), but they looked a little lumpy on me. It's cool. Those bitches will be my NEXT britches!

I had so much fun goofing around with the sales staff, that the assistant manager offered me a part-time job with them on weekends. Can you say 30% employee discount? She said that they are always looking for lively and fun people to work there, and when she found out that I once worked for them part-time years ago, she pressed an application into my hand.

Oh, she also managed to open the dressing room door on me as I was trying on the jeans. I told her that she HAD to hire me now, or I was going to file a complaint on her. We laughed.

I'm thinking about the idea. A job on the weekends could mean an extra $300-$350 bucks a month towards bills, and keep me thinking about my body more and more. Plus, it's fun to pretend that I know what the hell I'm talking about with fashion. I can bullshit, ya know!

We'll see...

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Sunday Mop Up 08/03/08

Sexual Chocolate

I saw my good friend last weekend at the Big Man's event in OKC. He's really quite remarkable. He showed up on Saturday with a bag in tow- having no reservations at the hotel and had not even registered. He can't afford such luxuries. He's an artist, and somehow eeks out a living working part time jobs so that he can focus on his real work: his art.

So, while us fat guys had to arrange for rooms and register for the event months in advance, Sexual Chocolate just shows up and is taken care of by his friends. He is an amazing lover, and a good friend, to many big guys and they were more than willing to put him up in their rooms, and take care of him. When I saw him on Saturday, poolside, he had a big grin on his face as he was surrounded by big, appreciative friends who wanted his attention.

I didn't see much of him after that. Well, a few of us got together and ordered a pizza Saturday night and SC magically appeared at the door and we were happy to share our pies with him. After that sighting, though, he was nowhere to be found. Brotha was BUSY!

Now, you may recall that SC had a little accident back in April, I think it was. Remember me telling you about going to see him play in a gay volleyball tournament and how he blew out his kneecap during a game? Well, that knee was still in bad shape, although he was wearing a brace on it. Several times since the fall, he had re-injured the knee. Seems he had ripped the tendon connecting the patella to the shin, and his left knee cap was kinda floating around the front of his leg. SC has no medical insurance because he only works part-time jobs, so he had been trying to arrange some financial help in order to get the necessary surgery to stitch the patella back into place. He has a big appointment with an organization who helps people like this out on August 7th.

So, anyway, the weekend comes and goes; I see him there, we hang out a little bit, and go our separate ways. He had asked where I have been lately, and I tell him about DQ. This keeps him from even bothering with smooth-talking me, and he vanishes into the weekend to play with his friends.

On Monday, back in Austin, I get a phone call from him around noon. It was nice to see me, he tells me, and was wondering what I was doing for lunch that day. I tell him I had already eaten and he suggests that I give him a call later on that day, and maybe we could get together for dinner. I tell him that I'll call him and we hang up.

I didn't want to do dinner, so I don't call then. But later in the evening, I decide that I will call to see if he would like to take in a movie. He had mentioned in OKC that he hadn't seen "The Dark Knight" yet, and I thought it would be a nice gesture on my part to take him to see it.

I call him at 9:30PM, and tell him that there is a showing at 10:15 at a local movie house, and if he would like to go, to haul ass over to my place and we'll jump in my truck and take off from here. He says it's a great idea and that he'll be here in 15 minutes and we hang up.

The clock starts.

9:45 comes and there is no sign of him. I had jumped into the shower and was running around the place to be ready when he showed up. 10:00 comes and he still isn't here. I'm sitting in the living room, by the front door, waiting.

10:05 comes and I'm getting angry because we won't make it on time if he doesn't get here quickly. I run upstairs to grab my phone to call him to see what the hell is going on, and when I'm standing in my bedroom by the bedroom window, I hear a voice outside, calling my name. I look out the blinds and I see SC's Jeep in the driveway, but no sign of SC.

I run outside, only to find Sexual Chocolate lying in my front yard, under a tree. He had tripped over a curb, his bad knee had given out and, in an attempt at not falling, he had thrown all his weight onto his GOOD knee...

...and the good knee blew out.

He could not even stand up. The man had no knees.

I got behind him and lifted him to a standing position. He was in terrific pain. He told me that he needed to go to the Emergency Room, and I readily agreed. I grabbed an ice-pack out of my freezer, loaded him into my truck, and we drove to the hospital.

From 10:30pm until 3am we sat in the ER. It was horrific. Homeless people, crack whores, and strange, psychotic types filled the Waiting Room. It was a Monday night, and it was crazy busy.

When he was finally seen by a doctor, he was admitted into the hospital. X-rays showed that he had, indeed, ripped the tendon holding his patella on his GOOD knee as well. He had surgery on Tuesday morning, stitching both kneecaps back into place.

I've been running back and forth to the hospital all week long, checking on him. He thought he would be released in a day or two, but the doctors found he had weird liver issues and gall bladder problems that were causing some abdominal distress. They kept him until today. I spent some time this afternoon with some friends getting him transported back to the place where he lives (with a roommate), and getting him set up and comfortable. He'll be unable to use his legs for at least two weeks, and can expect to have to go through physical therapy for up to a year to get his knees fully functional.

Poor guy. This was the person who took care of me when I went to Houston for my lap-band surgery. He was there for me then. I am happy to be here for him now.

He's gonna have to wait to see "The Dark Knight" when it comes out on DVD.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Leave Barack Alone!

He's Home!


Yes, that's my disaster of a desk. Wall-E is on top of my laptop, doing his thing, 'til he takes a swan-dive off the edge. I'll clean tomorrow. that's what Sunday is FOR, ya know!