Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A Few Photos From The Weekend

All in all, a good time, indeed!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Sunday Mop Up 07/27/08

I'm home from the road tonight. I was supposed to be in OKC one more night and come home Monday but, LORD, I was ready to get outta that place when I woke up this morning. I'm not sure I will ever be able to put into words what this past weekend was like. That ought to be good news for some of you!

I drove 7 hours today to get back. Had a blowout of a tire on the interstate, in the middle of nowhere, while driving. I couldn't figure out how to get my spare out from under the damned truck while parked on the side of the road, with 18 wheelers blasting past me at 75 miles per hour. Had to call Ford's Roadside Assistance number to come and save my ass. Forty-nine year old can't figure out how to change his own flat...good grief! I laughed at myself and thanked The Universe for keeping an eye on me and helping make my adventures more...adventurous?

But, here I am in Casa Del Jimbo, and everything is fine.

Can we catch up another time? Seriously, I am EXHAUSTED!

Hope your weekend was a good time as well!

Friday, July 25, 2008

Got Sex?

...uh, yeah, along with a pretty wicked smile on my face - and it's only Friday night!

I'm meeting some very nice people and fending off many other nice people. It's doing a number on my ego, let me tell ya!

I'll try to do a decent job catching you up on my Mop Up, but right now I need to lie down for a few minutes. It's kinda crazy here.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Sunday Mop Up 07/20/08

Welcome to the end of my week, where I endeavor to catch you up on all the little shit going on in my world. I call it my "Sunday Mop Up", when sometimes it just seems like a quick scrub of a toilet bowl.

Guess Who Is Depressed


Care To Guess Why?

Cuz I'm a baby? That's the conventional wisdom. DQ has been in Virginia for a week and I think I am missing him and I am suspecting that he's having a great time and has already forgotten my name. When we first met, he thought my name was "Joe", by the way. Put it in his phone that way.

Big Vacation Starts On Thursday

I'm going to Oklahomo City for a big Big Man's event. It will be my first time attending. Lots of guys my size and lots of guys into guys my size. I'm struggling at this point to get my work caught up and done ahead so that I can take a week and not worry about what is happening at the workplace. Maybe I'll be excited about it all once I am on the road and pointed in that direction. Right now all I can fret about is all the crap I need to get done in order to go.

There will be pool parties, dances, mixers, dinners and barbecues. It's fat guys, so you KNOW food will be featured and displayed prominently. I'm taking my laptop so that I can broadcast live via webcam to a fat guy website that I visit regularly. Also will have my awesome digital camera, so I intend on snapping lots of pictures. We'll see if any of them will be tame enough to share with you after all is said and done. I make no promises.

I hope it will be worth all the money it is going to cost me.

Windshield Get Replaced On Monday

This is a huge deal to me, a problem that has been dogging me for over a year. Hoping it all gets put to rest by tomorrow afternoon.

Another Reason I Might Be Depressed

I haven't had sex in a while. Turns out, this might be important to me. Who knew?

Movie Of The Week

The Dark Knight. Heath Ledger is, without a doubt, the best villain in any superhero movie ever made. I'll say right now that yes, he will get nominated for an Oscar and, even more, he will win. Still, NOT my favorite movie of the summer. I'll rank them all another time.

The Cleaning Labia

called me to inform me that she is moving back to Kansas this week. Her daughter (Sabrina) will pick up the duties around Casa del Jimbo starting next week ( I even get moved back to a coveted Friday slot!), but I will miss Wilma very much. She really rocked. Finding someone who speaks English to clean your bathroom isn't an easy thing to do these days.

Will Jim Snap Outta This Funk?

Yeah. Sure. Whatever.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

I'm Always The Last To Know

Found the following little test-thingy over at Dick Small's blog, and am stunned that I am surprised by it. What should you expect from an immature middle-aged man who uses terms like "test-thingy"?

Still, I am deeply wounded and profoundly embarrassed.

blog readability test

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Sunday Mop Up 07/13/08

It's a low energy day today. Maybe that's because I'm still on my first cuppa joe. It's Sunday, which means I sit here and putter around the house and try to catch you up on the odds and ends of my life., I call it "Sunday Mop Up". My friends call it "Homo sez WHAT?"

Cleanliness Is Next To "Good GAWD"liness!

I seem to have developed a Beauty Regime lately. Since I'm not blowing all my cash on food, I have begun buying crap that promises to make me look better. Although, I want it stated right up front that this does NOT include anal bleach. Jesus! Now, to you ladies, this may seem like nothing. But for a guy like ME to go through these steps is a freaking miracle. I've been a barsoap and Suave shampoo 'tard all my life.

So, here's the dealio:

Every morning I use a Pre-Brush Whitening Oral rinse, followed by an expensive toothpaste that says it will whiten my teefies. Then, I floss. The rinse happens outside the shower, but I brush when I'm IN the shower, so I can make a huge, frothing mess. That "rabid dog look" is the best part of dental maintenance, ya know...

Next, I hose down and shampoo my hair, my goatee, and my "South Forty" with TeaTree (shit aint cheap) by Paul Mitchell. Menthol and very "stimulating"! I follow that with TeaTree creme rinse, everywhere the shampoo went, and I shave my face.

After I shave, I pull out the St. Ives Apricot Scrub and exfoliate my mugg like a mofo. This stuff does a GREAT job of cleansing, yet leaves my face soft and smooth like a baby's...rugged, masculine, and manly...butt. Shut up.

Then I lather myself up with AXE Bodywash. Twice. I have a body brush (one for home, one for the gym), for all the nooks and crannies. I work that bitch.

I finish my hot shower with a cold rinse, to close all the pores that I have just opened up and assaulted.

"It puts the lotion on its skin..."

Once out of the shower, I hit my face with an OxyClean zit pad. Just to keep the complexion in check. Fat guys can get oily quick. I'm always amazed at the extra dirt this pad pulls off my freshly scrubbed face. Maybe that Apricot Scrub isn't doing such a bang-up job afterall...Then I use a MOISTURIZER on my face. No shit. Me using a mositurizer. The X would fuckin' faint. I use one from Olay with a little sunblock and some bronzer in it. That "Touch Of Sun" shit. SPF15...whoopdefuckindoo, I bet my SPIT has an SPF of 25 or so...

Out of the bathroom and before getting dressed, I use another body moisturizer, lightly, to try to keep my skin hydrated. Look, I'm doing this routine at LEAST twice a day, sometimes three, people, and all that scrubbing and washing could dry a fool out, ya know?

After I'm fully dry and moisturized and my pits have been swabbed and my ears have been Q-Tipped, I slap on a tiny bit of aftershave. A few drops on the face, with the residual going on the chest and maybe across the back of the neck. I keep it very light. Men reeking of cologne is SUCH a cliche. I also use a newly purchased Nose Hair clipper, when needed. Why do I need that fucker so much suddenly? What's up with THAT?!?

Now, that isn't just a morning routine. I do the whole thing (except the teeth stuff) every evening at the gym. Also, swap out the Apricot Scrub for the Apricot CLEANSER (different stuff, kids!) at the gym. I do my teeth a second time just before I crawl into bed. On the weekends, if my workout was early enough in the afternoon, I'll do the whole routine a third time before I crash.

The fact is that I'm looking to EXPAND this routine to include better foot maintenance (I found something called a "Pedi-Egg" which looks like a cheese grater you use on the soles of your feet to scrape off the callouses -which I will be picking up next time I'm at the store), foot powder even, and maybe some goop especially for my eyes. You know, to keep them from looking all puffy an' stuff.

I know. I've never BEEN so gay! But I'm a clean motherfucker, my friends. And, this is helping me stay focused on my body and trying to improve myself as I try to lose more weight.

Oh, and HERE'S some weirdness I will confess: I have a tendency to sleep on my face. Seriously, no matter how I lie in bed before I fall asleep, I wake up with my face planted deep into the pillow, or the mattress, or whatever. I have no idea how I am managing to breathe, but it's true. I sleep on my face. Well, this issue has, over the years, done a number on my eyelashes. They don't curl up anymore. They, instead, grow directly downward. This causes them to get stuck in my freaking eyes a LOT, and it's quite a nuisance. It hurts sometimes. Besides, it looks weird.

So, now that I'm seeing a guy who dresses up like a woman (it's just a JOB!), he has suggested something, and I have followed his advice. I now own, and use, eyelash curlers. Go ahead and laugh, I know I do. But, it really helps keep the lashes out of my eyes. So, every night and every morning I pull the curlers out and tweak my eyelashes. If I ever start plucking my eyebrows someone PLEASE call the police!

The Week Ahead

I take my truck into the shop tomorrow morning to get the front windshield reseated onto the frame of the cab. I have owned this truck for over a year now, and have heard, since the first week after purchase, a "whistling" from the right side of the cab. When I would take it in to the dealership, I couldn't find anyone who could hear it other than me. I was frustrated and furious over it.

Well, last week I took the truck in for an oil change, and I met a service writer who mentioned that he has a pretty good ear when it comes to noises inside vehicles. I made him jump into the truck with me, and we drove around town, as I tried to point out the whistling problem I had.

And, praise God, he HEARD it too! - He also defended the shop techs who claimed that they couldn't hear this issue. As he points out, these are guys with machines and automatic wrenches right up against their heads as they work on engines. This was a very high frequency whistle. Truthfully, it only really bothered me late at night when the radio was off, and outside traffic was minimal. But it's been there, and I wanted it GONE!

I'm very excited to announce that I may have resolution to this issue some time tomorrow afternoon. YAY!

DQ Hits The Road

He'll be in Virginia for management training with his company for the next three weeks. I won't see him again until I pick him up from the airport on August 1st.

-Oh! Another factoid about him. He was asking me about the blog earlier in the week, so I gave him the address. I have no idea if that was a mistake. He says he will catch up on it while in Virginia. I don't think I have written anything here that I haven't said to his face, so I'm just going to assume that if he has any issues with what I've posted, that he will be honest and talk to me. Okay? okay!

I was going to write more, but I am wasting daylight here, I need to go get out into it. I'll fill you all in on a big vacation I will be taking at the end of the month.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

More "Cram It Camera"!
Here are some pics of the other half of the of the staff of the department I supervise. Yes, it's a small group, there are only 7 of us in total (8 if ya count the part-timer).

This is Gerry. He is the other video tech that keeps the facility running. Dude is freaking MacGyver. He can fix sophisticated electronic equipment run using chewing gum, a paperclip, and some weird little metal thing he had stashed in the back of a drawer in his desk. He never throws anything away, and I have stopped making fun of that fact, because he has saved our asses NUMEROUS times with the shit he has squirreled away. He's native Texan, a Navy vet, and a countryboy. Can ya tell? He is amazing.

Meet Steve. Steve is my challenge, as a supervisor. Steve doesn't like me. I'm not too crazy about him, truth be told. Steve suspects I am gay, but I've never come out to him. He's a "don't ask, don't tell" kinda personality. Steve is a devout Christian, and believes gays will burn in Hell. Steve loved the Showtime series "The L Word" because, in his words, "lipstick lesbians are hot". See why I might have a problem here? Please note that Steve is not looking into the camera. That is because Steve rarely looks me in the eye.

And, finally, this is Jason. He's a part-timer in the Production department, but I throw hours at him to fill out his 20 per week that he is allotted. He's a good kid. He wants to be a "shooter"( a camera operator), but really loves learning all aspects of video production. I'm currently getting him training to fill in for Operator shifts should someone get sick, or take vacation time. I think he appreciates that I'm trying to find things for him to do.

So, that's the crew that I work with daily. Pretty good group, all things considered.

Monday, July 07, 2008

What A Feeling!

Maybe I don't feel exactly like this when I work out, but I'm pretty sure it looks as bad.

...okay, worse...

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Sunday MopUp 07/06/08

Is that a roman candle in your pocket or are ya just glad ta see me? Welcome to my Sunday MopUp. Be warned that I have a short fuse...

Death Of An iPod

My freaking iPod bit the big one over a week ago. Was at the gym, had the headphones strapped to my melon, was jamming to some Foo Fighters and, suddenly, nothing. I could see that the songs were playing, but no sound was coming out. I switched to those nasty ear bud things. Nothing. I...uh...shook it. Didn't help. I wondered if it was a battery issue. I seemed to have plenty of juice left in it. So, I struggled with my work out, sans tune-age (which SUCKS ASS!), and then bolted for home. I rebooted the bitch. I got onto iTUNES and reloaded the entire program and library. Zip. Nada. Nothing. I let it charge back up some more. Didn't help.

So, I let it sit on my desk at home for a few days because, you know, maybe it needed to rest a bit.

By Sunday, I was completely aware that I was not going to be able to work out without having rock and roll blaring into my ear canals. I need this. By the way, have you ever listened to what goes on in a gym? One day I was on the treadmill next to this athletic young guy who was running a marathon on his treadmill, and the jerk was ripping farts as he ran. Didn't faze him a bit. Now, they didn't smell, but who wants to hear that? Good grief!

Sunday night, I call Apple Customer Service and talk to "Steve", a guy with a super thick Indian accent. He informs me that my warranty has expired and that if I want my player fixed, I would have to mail it to them. The cost of repair would be $140.00. I could expect my iPod back in about 10- 14 business days. OR, I could buy another NEW one, pay $179.00 (plus tax and shipping), get it back in 5-7 business days, and get a full one year warranty.

Steve Jobs is a motherfucker. We all know this, right?

I bought a new one. Ordered just what I had: a 30gig black "classic" iPod. It arrived on Thursday: a 30gig WHITE "classic: iPod.

I was furious. I ordered black, and got white.

Just so happens that I was talking to DQ when it arrived by FedEx. I threw a fit. His response was "does the black one SOUND better?"

Well, I'm certainly not going to mail this one back and have to wait another week because of a color issue. I NEED MY TUNES to work out! i cannot abide listening to the grunting, the farting, the swapping of casserole recipes by the other patrons at the YMCA! So, I am living with white. and, you know what? It's easier to find than the black one when it's stuffed down into the bottom of my gym bag.

4th Of July

DQ was out of town, and my best friend and his wife wanted some "alone time". I didn't dare show up at the small town fireworks show that I have gone to in the past, out of fear of running into The X. So, I sat at home. It's cool.

This Week's Movie

was "Hancock". Didn't suck. In fact, I enjoyed it. I find Jason Bateman to be completely watchable. He made the movie for me. I wasn't happy with the ending, and maybe I'll explain why some day but, for now, I'll just say that I had a good time.

I hope you all had a safe holiday, and still have all your fingers and toes. I'll be posting some more "Cram It Camera" shots later this week.