Sunday MopUp 11/02/08
I got an extra hour of sleep last night? Are you kidding? Why am I so drag-ass today, then? This is my week ending post I call my Mop Up, because my life could use a good swabbing on a regular basis.
I Voted Early
on Friday. So, why don't I feel good about it? Maybe because I don't buy a thing these puppets are slinging. Maybe because I am disgusted with the process. Maybe because I'm tired and scared and don't see any real leadership or ideas out there.
Look, before we can correct our problems, I believe we need three things to happen:
1. Term Limits on Congress
These fuckers are the real issue, people. Career bureaucrats who make laws that the rest of us must abide. "Public Servants" my ass!
2. Line Item Veto for the President
Want to stop the pork barrel projects and trim governmental spending? Give the President the ability to cut the crap out with a stroke of a pen.
3. Kill All Lobbyists
Feed their remains to the Homeless? Just an idea...
I'll be glad when this horrendous election is over.
jimmycity Goes To A Concert
Saw TV On The Radio on Thursday. Some kid standing next to me passed me a joint. I took a few puffs. First time I've been high in about 8 years. Freaked me OUT! I spent how many decades stoned and in this condition? Good grief! I'm done getting high, people. I'm dangerous enough sober, thank you very much. I need the few braincells I have left.
I think I drove home going about 25 miles an hour on the freeway. It'll never happen again.
The band was great, by the way. I think I have a crush on the bearded guitarist/singer in the band. He was shy, soft-spoken, chunky, and...bearded!
Look, I'm not the kind of fag that enjoys shopping. In fact, Christmas shopping is about the most unpleasant experience I ever have. But, this year, I've known what I want to get my family for their gifts. And on Friday, I found a mailer advertising a very special sale on Saturday at Kohl's where these things would be available.
I'm giving everyone digital picture frames. The family will go ape shit over them, I'm fairly sure. But the things aint cheap. I had them priced between 80 - 200 bucks. Well, this sale offered an off-brand for $59.99. I was there Saturday morning.
Well, then I find out that if I apply for a store credit card, they will knock 15% off the sale price. If I get ACCEPTED, they will knock another 15% off. So, kiddies, I bought 5 of them and spent $217.00!
And I'm so excited about the deal, if there were ANY doubts about my sexuality, it is pretty apparent now. Gay guys love a good bargain, ya know.
Fat Ass Update
I'm working out on Thursday, my trainer in front of me, as I am squeezing a puny amount of weight on some torture contraption, when I notice that he keeps pushing on his belly around the waistline of his shorts.
"Daniel?" I ask. "Do you have a hernia?"
"Ummm..yeah. But it don't hurt or nothing," was the reply.
So, I go into a long tirade about how dangerous one can be. I point out that every time I see him, he is doing crunches, or straining and sweating and grunting. I suggest he think about going easy on provoking it with excessive strain. He looks at me like I've lost my mind. Hey, I'm a fat guy. What could I know? I leave it alone and focus on my workout.
Later, in the shower, I think about the fact that this is a kid who I have hired to help, coach, and protect ME from injury, and he doesn't have a clue about what he is doing to himself. I vow to continue on with him, because my workouts are, in comparison, pretty freaking light. But I have vowed to consider what he suggests for me carefully, as I progress. I am NOT going to hurt myself, damn it!
Then, while soaping up, I broke into a little song (sung to the tune of "Centerfold" by J. Geils Band):
He's got a bulge
But not the kind that I indulge!
My Trainer has a hernia
-Trainer has a hernia
(na na nana na na
na na na nana nana na na!)
[Late Edition Addition: I just got home from running some errands where I found gasoline for $1.999 a gallon! I was so thrilled that I filled up and considered sticking the pump nozzle up my ass just to stash an extra gallon or two. Don't worry; I didn't.]