Sunday, November 13, 2011

Sex Or Sandwiches

I think I've figured out why I'm not good at Morningsex.

I've known for decades now that Morningsex isn't my favorite time of day to be gettin' all sexed up, but I couldn't really put my finger on WHY. However, I think I've finally figured it out.

See, for me, the very reason to even get out of bed in the morning is to begin the adventure of How To Get Laid Today. This quest motivates me to properly bathe and groom myself, and even gets me to my place of employment, because I'm pretty sure homeless fat guys get sex less often than those who bring home a paycheck (NOT that we have to pay for sex...that is NOT what I'm saying!).

I think about sex all day, hoping that I'll score. It rules all thought processes. It gets me home from work each night, looking for signs from the my partner that I'm going to get lucky. Truth is, most times I want it, I get it. I'm really fortunate in that way. So, sometime that evening, like winning the lottery on a pretty dang regular basis, I hit the jackpot. And afterwards all happy and content, I fall asleep. And sleep is only to allow me to recharge so that I can begin my quest all over again in the morning and have my reason for crawling outta the womb/cacoon that is our bed. It's a beautiful thing, really.

But what happens if I get that sex as soon as I wake up in the morning? Sure, my back isn't as stiff after having been bent into a human pretzel, but why get out of bed after a satisfying orgasm? The fact is, the first thing I want to do after morningsex is TAKE A NAP.

I lose all motivation to get out into the world after I rope. Fuck work. Really. I just want to call in and report that I need a "Limp Day", cuz I am DONE! There's no need to get out of bed at all.

Well...except to eventually have lunch.

Yeah. If I'm not fantasizing about sex, I am fantasizing about sandwiches.

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