Sunday, October 12, 2008

Sunday Mop Up 10/12/08

The windows to my townhouse are flung wide open, there is a lovely autumn breeze outside, and I have laundry working and dishes a-cleaning and most random bio-hazard safely corralled.

Welcome to my Sunday Mop Up of stuff that has happened in my little world lately!


Tuesdays and Thursdays I meet with my trainer and we see how pathetically weak I actually am. It's really surprising. That I can keep my head upright on my shoulders on a day-to-day basis is suddenly amazing, because it has become MORE than apparent to both of us that there is nothing beneath my layers of fat but rubber bands and, perhaps, some kinda paper-mache (sp?) stuff. Sure as shit isn't muscle.

He's a sweet kid, Daniel. He's twenty-three. I have underwear older than he is. He calls me the day after a workout to see if I am okay. Wanna meet him? Okay, I know you do...

My arms are gonna look like that, one day. I'll be one of those guys that flexes his bicep and then kisses it gingerly. You'll hate me, but I won't care. Cuz I'll think I'm hot.

I told Daniel that I wanted to take his picture, so I could post it on my blog and he became very excited about it. I think he thinks more people than three (on a good week) read this, or something.


I eat them almost daily now. Big bowls of the stuff. Do you eat salad? You should, you know. All that roughage makes for a very productive poop. I'm just sayin'. I'm tryin' to help, is all.


is killing me. My boss is taking the entire week off this week, and it means that my stress level will be out of SIGHT! If I had high blood pressure, I would be stroking out right about now. No kidding. My job blows at the present time.

Keeping Austin Weird

So, I was on the south side of town last weekend, and I had to check in at a store that is on a stretch of road that has become VERY trendy and hip and popular with the cool kids. All sorts of shops and restaurants and bars have popped up all up and down it, making traffic really miserable in the area. Well, after battling for a parking space, I jumped out of my truck and crossed the street to the other side, at the corner where good, law-abiding citizens cross the street. You know? I'm the kind of idiot that will try to dart out across a street anywhere I please, and I took the time to cross where pedestrians are supposed to cross: at the corner and with the light.

Well, as I am standing there, waiting to get permission to walk where I'd like to walk, I notice that there is a person in a bear suit on the other side of the street, among the other people milling about. A cute, cuddly Care-Bears kinda suit, all white and fluffy. It has some kind of design of hearts or something all over the belly, but this was a full-blown costume. Had a big-ass head, like a mascot for a sports team, or something from Disney World. Big eyes and a smile. Creepy.

"Huh. Dork in a bear suit," I said to myself. The bear was standing outside a pizza place. Why would a pizza parlor put a person dressed as a bear outside? I shrugged, the light turned green for those of us waiting to cross, and so we did.

As I got closer to the dude (I'm assuming it was a man inside, because of the person's height. From his body proportions, he was easily six feet tall, but the ginormous head made him tower to well over seven feet in height), I noticed that he wasn't keeping to the pizza place area, he was wandering down the street, now in my direction, waving and dancing. Everyone was pretty much ignoring him.

Closer still, the guy stopped and focused on me. As I was passing him, he reached out and pointed at me.

"Bear!" he exclaimed, tapping me on my chest. His voice was in this falsetto that really pumped up the creep factor. I looked down and realized I was wearing one of my t-shirts that, indeed, says "Bear" on it. Oh great.

"Yes, I am!" I replied, in sarcastic exhuberance.

He then pointed to himself with both his furry paws, touching himself on the hearts of his belly.

"Bear!" he explained with a single word and that same infantile tone. Then, he extended his arms, like he wanted a hug.

"Yes, you are!" I gushed and rolled my eyes and pushed past him. As I passed, I felt a paw reach out and rub my shoulder, the mitt sliding down my back as I hauled ass. I didn't look back.

Luckily, the store I was headed for was just of the other side of him, and I ducked quickly inside, wondering what the fuck that guy's purpose was out there. If someone had hired him to promote their business, I don't think they were getting their money's worth.

When I came back out, he was gone. No sign of him. I was worried about another confrontation, but could relax. I hiked back to the street corner, crossed again with the light, and walked down to my truck.

As I was leaving the area, a full four blocks down the strip, I passed him again. He was just kinda dancing down the street. He was getting to the point where the business district ended, and the residential area began. Dude wasn't on the clock.

I believe I had just met my first "Furry". And I think he cruised me.


Fitness said...

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Ice John's World said...

Cool! It seems that you are doing all the right thing for your health. Good luck! And was that a spam above about the elliptical fitness?

Sans Pantaloons said...

I grew up into a Bear. For me, hugs are always welcome, but I still respect what the Big Man said: 'I won't be disrespected,
lied to, or laid a hand on.
I don't do these things to
others, and I require
the same.'