Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Mom Is Online!
My mother, God love her, is finally getting into her computer.
She bought a laptop a few years ago and was overwhelmed. When family found out, they started emailing her loads of crap and telling her to check this out, and check that out.
She just wanted to look around at QVC and HSN online, and suddenly, it turned into "Be a Geek like Us, Mary Jo! Hurry up!" She wasn't having it.
Within weeks, she boxed up her little laptop and sent it back.
I understood. My family knows better than to forward me little jokes, dumbass cartoons, or anything that wasn't originated by them. Don't clog my inbox up with forwarded stories of cute puppies, starving children, or the second coming of Christ. I can find all that stuff on my own, you know. Afterall, that's why God created blogs.
I have personally threatened family about including me in any kind of chain-email.
So, she very quietly buys a new one recently. A desktop pc. She tells no one in the family but me, at first.
Cuz, you know, who can blame her?
I've begun getting phonecalls from her, and they are so precious, I could just shit.
"Jimmy, honey, you'll never guess what I did!
I found my bank's website and I set up an account with them,
so I can see all my banking transactions from right here!"
"Mom, that is great!"
"I can even pay my bills from this site.
It's amazing!"
"Yes, it is!"
"I'm having a little problem, though."
"What's that?"
"Well, when I have to type in my password,
sometimes I type it in all capitals,
and I can't tell when I'm doing that,
because the password doesn't show up
on my monitor, you know.
I just get little x's"
"Well, how am I supposed to know
if I'm typing all in capitals
when I can't see what I'm typing?"
"Well, Mother,
do you have the Caps Lock button on?"
"I guess I must,
so I just punch it a few times and try again."
(a few times? ...that's my Mom...)
"Look, on your keyboard,
do you have a number pad over on one side?
You know a little cluster of keys
with numbers on them?"
"Yes, yes"
"Well, above those keys,
do you see some lights?"
What are you talking about?
Don't get technical on me!"
"Your keyboard doesn't have a light
that lets you know the Caps Lock button is on?
Is there a light on the Caps Lock button itself?"
"I guess not.
(I can tell she has lost interest
and is no longer paying attention)
This isn't a very fancy computer, you know.
I bought this on QVC
for three hundred and ninety -nine dollars!
Anyway, I've figured out what to do."
"Well, how do you know when
you have turned the Caps Lock off?"
"I type something
in another field and check."
"Oh... well... okay.
There you go!"
She figured out her own problem, and was proud of it.
I'm proud of her.
QVC should be proud of her, too!