Sunday Mop Up 03/18/07

Howdy, kidlets! It's Sunday, so I am tanking up on java and have begun my ritual of weekly housework whilst I try to piece together a post about my life here. There is comfort in repetition, ya know. That's why I'm such a big fan of both blogging and masturbation. The two are very similar, actually. Anyways...

Make A Little Birdhouse In My Leg (They Might Be Giants)

I SWEAR to you that I am NOT going to go on and on about my medical issues, but some of my peeps have been asking, so I will cough up a quick update.

Every day the leg looks better. The redness from the cellulitis is dissipating and I look forward to being permanently detached from this pump (that farts at me all night long) shortly. No one at the wound care clinic is venturing a guess at it, but my own pretty-fuckin-well-informed-opinion-at-this-point is that I might well be vac-less in just a couple more weeks. Like two, tops. Do you hear me, God?

Friday, when I went in to the clinic and they pulled the suction cup off and dug the foam out and looked around inside, it was VERY clear that the hole is filling in nicely. Even I could tell the difference. And it's starting to feel a little tender around the opening to the wound. This pleases me because, for all this time, as people have poked around and handled my leg, the fact that I had no feeling around the wound really bothered me. Having sensation there again reassures me that the nerve endings are coming back to life.

One really sweet perk of all this crap has been that I have been able to go to work in my cargo shorts three times a week. Yes, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I work in shorts and tennis shoes and a big, loose golf shirt. This is so that when I go to the clinic on these days, they can have easy access to my leg. Long pants would be entirely problematic. Let me tell you, working in shorts is the BEST! This is Texas, by the way, why can't EVERYONE wear shorts at work? I vote that we allow it. There are some legs in this company that I am quite curious about.

Bob

Bob is a bear friend of mine who I met through Rich and Dave last summer. We found ourselves naked in their pool together one day and just kinda floated towards each other. Older, quiet, sweet, sensitive, and sexy. I found him utterly charming. When I went into the hospital last month, I was taking care of Rich and Dave's house while they were at a Big Man's getaway in Palm Springs. Since I couldn't exactly keep an eye on the kitties while immobile, I had to call Bob and ask him to pick up my slack Not only did he do that, but he also came to see me the first five days in a row when I was hospitalized. He was a great comfort. At one point, I had him call Peggy to tell her what was going on, and she was very impressed with the guy. In fact, now she wont shut up about him.

Well, two days after my surgery, Bob noticed he was having some chest pain. He works in a hospital himself, and while on duty, he had some chest x-rays taken. What was found was that he had blockage in three arteries.

Bob was rushed into surgery and had a triple bypass.

I had no idea this was going on until two days after his surgery. I was still in the hospital and he told Rich and Dave to not tell me, because he wanted me to focus on my own recovery. When I was finally told, I flipped, but there was nothing I could do. I was still bedbound. I called him and chewed his ass for keeping it from me. He would have done the same.

He is recovering at Rich and Dave's house, because his home is out in the middle of nowhere and is a two story. Rich and Dave live in a beautiful ranch style single-level home (a mere two blocks away from me) and, being the awesome friends that they are, want to keep an eye on Bob for a while. This pleases me greatly because Bob is now so close to me, geographically.

As a matter of fact, Rich and Dave will be going to a new friend's house for dinner this afternoon, and I will be over at their house with Bob, watching Texas play USC in the NCAA basketball playoffs.

This coming weekend is TBRU in Dallas, and at first I was super-pissed that I was going to miss it. There's no way that I'm going to hang out with 800 hot, hairy men in a hotel while I have tubeage coming out of my body. Not a good look, seriously. But it turns out that I can give my hotel room reservation to Rich and Dave (cuz MY reservation is for a king sized bed, while the best they could reserve was a room with two doubles) and I will be here in town to keep an eye on Bob, while those two get to be the social butterflies that they are. It all works out, is what I'm saying.

An Open Letter To Homosexual Men

Dear PenisPeople,

I have spent a good amount of time as of late, online and on the phone, chatting with many of you. I am noticing something that is really beginning to annoy me and I need to call you on it.

I can't help but notice that when any discussion turns to the female gender, someone in conversation will make a derogatory remark about vaginas or cunnilingus, and the room will go APEshit in disgust. Cruel and unkind comments abound, as if women are some filthy, diseased aberration of our species. The cackling and shrieks of disapproval and horror are both amazingly sad and pathetically ridiculous.

Look, it's a given that, as a gay man, you are not interested in participating in sex with female genitalia. It's kind of obvious, okay? If you were interested or aroused by pussy, I'm sure you'd figure out a way to incorporate some into your sex life. But, that you aren't interested does not make it okay for you to squeal and retch, and say some pretty ugly, arrogant things about females and their bodies.

Are you so insecure about your own sexuality that you have to put women down in order to feel better about yourself? Don't you see that this type of smarmy, ignorant bigotry is the very thing that gay culture has been fighting against ever since one caveman dared to touch another's monolith? Wait, those were apes...forget that metaphor...

I'm stunned when I hear a gaggle of fags cringing and pontificating upon the dirty and gross aspects of oral sex upon a woman in one breath, only to fantasize and masturbate to talk of licking and rimming a man's BUTT in another. Are you freaking kidding me?

Here's my point: All sex is gross. It's primal, it's messy, it requires a good shower afterward. All of it. Heterosexual or Homosexual. Body fluids, textures, and smells occur every single time, no matter who is involved. Not everyone is going to be enthused about everything, sexually. So, you get to pick and choose what works for you. But your choice of expression is not superior to any other, my friend.

And, chances are, you are no expert about vaginas. Sure, they bleed every so often but, dude, you shit out of YOUR hole daily. You've got nothing to feel superior about.

Please, knock it off.

Sincerely and in a very gay way,

jimbo