Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Of Chubs And Chasers

As a big guy, I realize that I am labeled a “Chub”. This is a term for overweight gay men. I hate the term, which is funny, because I don’t mind the “Bear” label at all. “Chub” just seems so derogatory. Straight women get the “BBW” acronym. Gay guys are just “Chubs”. Well, until they hit a vaguely unspecific weight range, when they become “SuperChubs”. The conventional wisdom places this differentiation at around 400 pounds, depending upon height and general body structure.

I am well aware that there is a subset of men who are interested only in heavyset men and women. The term for these men is “Chasers”- short for “Chubby Chaser”. A ”Chaser” can be any of body type.

I am constantly asked if, as a large man myself, I am a “Chaser”. Am I only interested in other heavyset men?

Here’s the dealio:

I believe that our bodies are only the bags that we live in. Some bags are little, some bags are buff, some bags are big. I am interested in the mind and soul that lives within the bag, not the bag itself. I am attracted and drawn to personalities, attitudes, and intellects.

Sure, upon first glance, I have body types that catch my eye. I think I've stated before that I'm fond of the hairy, bluecollar masculine look. But all that goes out the window when I get to know someone. I've found myself surprisingly attracted to some slender men I've met. I've been completely enamoured with guys bigger than myself. Likewise with physical endowment of the genitalia: size doesn't mean much to me. I'm an admirer of exceptional endowment in a man, in an eye-candy kind of way. "Wow, look!" Sure. I think even straight men can appreciate a serious package, probably because most of us wish we were a little better endowed than we are. It's universal: big dicks command respect. No problem. That doesn't mean I want that python anywhere near me when we're in the dark together. Nice to meet you, you sure are handsome, not a chance in hell that I'm interested in what you've got. Sorry. you scare me and, quite frankly, I don't want to work that hard tonight.

But, that's not what I wanted to talk about. I got off track a bit.

I know there are skinny guys who only are into fat guys. Just as there are fat guys who are only into fat guys. Hey, there are lots of skinny guys who are only into skinny guys! What I can't quite wrap my mind around is fat guys who only want skinny guys. Chubs who won't give other Chubs the time of day because they are fat. Fat guys who know the pain and rejection of being dismissed for being too fat themselves, turning to another and rejecting that person for the same reason. How could a fat guy, who undoubtedly has been hurt by someone for not fitting into a physical ideal, do the same to someone else? Who should know better that you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover than a fat guy?

I think a Chub who won't give another Chub a chance is really projecting his own self-loathing onto others. Here's a man who hates being fat himself, so YOU must hate being fat, too. Here's a man who is as full of judgementalism and prejudice as the paper-thin pretty boys who mock him while he desperately searches for love and acceptance. I think a fat guy who only wants to be with skinny guys has a duty to get his ass skinny as well. He wants the best of both worlds: to be allowed to be fat, and to not have to tolerate any other fat guy.

I've taken alot of heat about this when I've talked about it with friends. I can't seem to find anyone who agrees with me or thinks I even have a valid point. I just think fat people who ridicule other fat people are the worst.

We are more than our waist size, our bra-cup size, or our penis size. We are human beings, ALL of us- men and women who are complicated creatures, layered with subtleties and eccentricities. When we objectify and label each other, we are short-changing our own life experience.Who knows what wonderful people we may have dismissed during our lives as we categorize and pigeon-hole each other?

I want to open my arms to the Universe and greet and welcome any and all into my heart and into my mind. I want to look for the Good and the Noble and the Beautiful in everyone. I want to live a life of Inclusion, not Exclusion. I seek Connection, not Isolation.

That's what I wanted to talk about. I think I might be sounding a little nuts, or New-Agey. I'm really not one of those kind of people. It is my Intention here that is important. I was just trying to connect with you, the Reader.

Sorry if I got carried away.


TheChubbyAvenger said...

I agree totally with what you just said in yer post, Jim. I love yer inclusive nature. I agree fully about the self-loathing aspect of fat men who refuse to date other fat men. I think they detest themselves so much that somewhere in their brains they say: "I may be fat, but, at least i can still get a thin boyfriend and be thin-by-proxy and then the world won't hate me so much." I think its sad and really disgusting. There is nothing more cruel than to be excluded by ones own. Ive found a number of slender men enticing...and avg ones and fat ones. I, too, believe its about the man inside. I believe in personalities and I believe in souls. Its about personality and soul. I don't think its nuts or new-agey at all. If you were trying to connect with me, you succeeded. I'm glad you tried and I hope I can connect with you right back.



Melissa said...

As a nowhere-near-thin woman I've dated the spectrum from 6'7" 400 lb men to 5'4" 150 lb men. I like them all.

I think the part that you are missing is that being fat, bbw, chubby, whatever doesn't give a person depth. Fat folks can be shallow too.

Anonymous said...

well honestly .. im just comenting in wain knowing and feeling bad that people like u live so far away from me, ka dang i live in malaysia ahah LOL

i wish to see the person in side that bag of yours.. mind me dont get the wrong idea :P

mail me ... pls