Sunday, December 17, 2006

Sunday Mop Up 12/17/06

Howdy, people! Welcome to my Sunday ritual of tanking up on coffee and puttering around Casa del Jimbo with a pitchfork, a fire extinguisher, and a bottle of Simple Green (learned about this stuff from my cleaning lady). And I kind of blog as I go. I call this my "Sunday Mop Up", and you're welcome to hang out, as long as you pick up after yourself. I'm workin way too hard to get my own shit organized, I can't be responsible for yours. Okay? Okay!

Mall (Rats!)

I couldn't put it off any longer, I had to start my Christmas shopping this week. Brutal. Found myself at "The Mall", because Uncle Jim is getting his youngest niece an iPod Shuffle. Yes, I rock. So, I made my way to The Apple Store located deep in the bowels of Clusterfuck Square Mall. Parking was a bitch; fighting the crowds was a bitch; finding where I was on the "You Are Here" map at the front door and then finding "Where The Hell You Need To Go" and plotting my course required a GPS (which I don't have, but I did price them at Sharper Image while I was there and, FUCK, I'll be staying lost for many years to come! Those buddies be 'SPENSIVE!) and was a bitch; and then dealing with my seriously rude and retarded fellow consumers - 9 out of 10 of whom were blathering non-stop into their precious cellphones and just clogging up the lanes of foot-traffic. I want a machete for Christmas, I swear to God.

But, beyond the general irritation of stupid people buying stupid things for the stupid people they love (yes, we've hit the point in the season where my 'Christmas Cheer' has dissolved into 'Christmas Rage', which turns my blood into acid and makes my heart cold as stone. By the way, I turn back into 'Sweetness And Light' on December 26th. Catch me then!), I saw indications of something that I have suspected for a while now and will, no doubt, generate some very negative feelings about me from some of you. I apologize ahead of time for the generalizations I am about to make, but I believe with all my heart that they are TRUE generalizations. And they are:

Young people suck. They are clueless. They are pathetic. They do not possess manners nor communication skills nor social skills. They are The Internet Generation, therefore they are seriously lacking in social development. Now, before you write me off as a square and un-hip old man, who is just jealous of Youth, and bitter that I don't understand the kids of today, let me assure you, I am not talking about how kids dismiss ME, or how I feel disrespected and ridiculed by these fetuses in tennis shoes. No, I'm referring to behavior I am witnessing as these Retarded Offspring struggle to talk to EACH OTHER. They can't do it, people! I wove in and around young person after young person, and what I was hearing was really alarming. Obliviousness. Teenage Wasteland. Sure, it's an old concept. But, I'm telling you, the future is GRIM.

See, back in the day, when WE were young and disinterested in anything beyond our genitals (which we had just discovered and were fascinated with), we had a support system of family and school that forced us to grow up. Kids today are left to their own devices, which happen to be broadband and wireless. Our schools are failing us. Parents, who used to be accused of letting television be a babysitter, can now rely on the internet as well. Our society sexualizes kids and rewards them for merely being young, because society wishes it were young again as well. We are producing an entire generation of idiots. And, one day, they will be running our world.

I know, I know. I'm an old, fat, bitter geezer. I'm as pathetic as you are, just in other ways, kid. But I'm OLD. What's your excuse? I sound just like every old man complaining about the young people of today. I'm the old caveman, grunting about the young cavemen and their folly they call "the wheel". At some point, someone younger and stronger will club me in the head and put me out of my misery.

Meanwhile, leave me alone. You are stupid and worthless (to me). Merry Fuckin' Christmas, morons.

Time: Person Of The Year, 2006

Really? Jesus, we are FUCKED!

Vacation (all I ever wanted)...

Yup, jimmycity is on vacation from now until January 2nd, 2007. I had accrued a ton of hours that I needed to burn before the first of the year or lose all together. Not gonna let THAT happen. So, I busted ass last week and crammed three weeks of work into one, said "Adios, Mofos!" to the crew, and abandoned my cube for a while. The carnage that will greet me upon my return will be severe, to be sure. I'll deal with it then.

And, don't assume that just because I am vacationing from my day job, that I'll be a total slacker concerning my posting here. In fact, I may end up putting more time and energy into it than I usually do. 'Cuz I've got more time and energy now, see?

In other work related news, I was reviewed by my boss before I left and was given very positive marks. I'll be rewarded with a hefty raise in the new year and a bonus in February that could be quite substancial. Nice way to end a very hectic and stressful year.

So, with all this time on my hands, if any of you gentle readers would like to make holiday suggestions to me, I'm all ears. Invitations for sleazy hook-ups should be sent directly to my email address. Not that I would even consider such a thing! Good grief!

And, finally...

Take "The Book Quiz" 'cuz I just did*, and I'm...

You're Watership Down!

by Richard Adams

Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

*snagged from Uncle Dirk who snagged it from someone else.

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