Sunday Mop Up 09/24/06

Panic! At the Condo

I'm not the most organized guy you've ever met. I have a tendency to lose things. In fact, there are somethings I can't help but lose. Jewelry is probably tops on that list. I've bought rings and been given chains- bracelets and neckwear- and never cease to lose them. Keeping track of little shit just isn't my forte. I know this, and have made adjustments to my life on account of this. I've come to accept it and deal with it.

But, when I can't find my eye glasses, it's another story. I FREAK out. I think it's because I know that replacing my glasses is a major pain in the ass: digging up my prescription, going back to the store, finding frames that fit my watermelon-sized head, having to decide about the UV protection/scratch resistant/auto-tinting lenses, and then waiting all day in a store that promises you'll get your shit "in about an hour". Fuck you. Meanwhile, I'm gonna try on every pair of frames in this god damned place and hog the mirrors. Maybe THAT will motivate you to hurry up with my friggin order.

So, I hate losing my glasses, right? Well, yesterday I couldn't find the sons of bitches.

I had them Friday night. I came home with them. I usually take them off when I get upstairs and place them on my computer table. Usually set them on top of the cpu tower on the corner of the table. The problem was that Friday night, as I sat here in the computer room, I did some cleaning up. Uncluttered the room a bit, as it were. The room needed it, and I felt productive afterward.

Saturday I got up and decided to go to the horse track: go play the ponies a bit, hang out amongst the beer-bellied cowboys and farmers and alcoholic gambling addicts. Yay! I dressed and reached for my glasses as I headed for the truck. Not there.

Okay, deep breath. Did I throw them away? Of course not! I eyed the trashbag that I had used to unclutter the night before and was certain I had NOT tossed them in. I surveyed the floor of the room. Nothing. Got on my knees and looked under the bed in this room. Nope. I check the pockets of the shirt and pants that I wore the day before. Not there. Bathroom? No. Bedroom? Looked on the shelves next to the bed, on the dresser, under the bed. I pulled back the bedding to see if they were tucked in between the sheets. Nada.

Wait! I stopped in the kitchen before coming upstairs. I HAD stopped at the store the night before, sometimes I leave my glasses next to, or on, the stove. Not in the kitchen. I looked at the trash basket in the kitchen, where I had tossed the groceriy bags after putting the food I bought away last night. Was I going to have to root around in the trash? No. No way I threw my glasses away!

It was a this point that I started going a little nuts. I looked IN the refridgerator. I looked IN the freezer. I had started a load of dirty dishes before going to bed so I looked IN the dishwasher. Fer Chrissakes! I went to the laundry room, even though I hadn't been there in days. I looked IN the washer and then IN the dryer. I'm starting to sweat. I grabbed my car keys and went out to the truck. Searched that motherfucker over. I began cursing.

I came back upstairs. I RE-CHECKED the very pockets of clothing I had JUST CHECKED. Like I missed a pair of glasses the first time? I went to the bathroom and looked IN THE SHOWER. C'mon! When was the last time YOU wore your glasses in the shower? It only left one possibility...the trash. Fuck!

Yes, I opened both trash bags, the kitchen one and the one had had taken upstairs to "unclutter" and began rooting around. Such a task is NEVER pleasant. Chicken bones and...nevermind...I'll spare you. Point is - NO GLASSES. Seriously, I knew I hadn't tossed them and was kinda pleased to confirm this, but I had run out of places to check. I was now, officially, out of control. I dug out my flashlight and began the Under The Beds search again. On my belly in two bedrooms. Fat Man Crawling. No glasses, but found some socks to put back into rotation. Also scored a little over two dollars in loose change. That's an extra bet on a horse. If I ever GET to the track!

I was now a sweaty, hyper-ventillating, swearing psycho. I plopped down in my chair at the computer table, right where I am right now. I put my elbows on the table and held my head in my hands as I stared at the floor. Right below me, sitting amongst the electric cords that power my pc set up, sat my glasses. I, my friends, am an idiot.

JIMMY'S VIDEO STASH

Has been discontinued. I'm happy just messing with Jimmy's Jukebox. I'll be loading new tunes in it weekly, and I may mention something about a particular track here on occasion. Like: Check out the track "Breathe Me" by Sia on the player. For those who remember "Six Feet Under", this is the song that played during that amazing montage at the very end of the series' finale. It still makes my heart stop.