I Did It!
Had my first session with my trainer tonight. Warmed up by doing 15 minutes on the bike, and then we wandered over to the machines. One machine makes me lift weight by extending my legs, another makes me force my legs under me. Then I pull out this big ball and put it against a wall, centered at the small of my back, and roll with the ball into a squat and then roll back up the wall again.
Gymsquats. Jimsquats. I say this to myself as I do this, trying not to think about the possibility of grunting out some colossal bowel movement under me onto the mat. This is how my sick mind works.
Then, I push and I pull on several other contraptions to work my biceps, triceps, shoulders and back. Followed by some stretching with big-ass rubber bands (again, for shoulders and back).
I end it all with a big ball with sand in it that will (theoretically) help me roll back into a stretched out position without going all the way to the floor. This is, I think, an attempt at working on abdominal muscles that do NOT exist. We'll see how successful that could possibly be.
I'll do this Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays with the bike as well. Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays will be bike only.
My arms hurt just typing now and you're a big stinky poophead and I want my mommy.
I'm a pretty happy fag right now.