Sunday, September 02, 2007

I'm Still Laughing At The Name "Butch Otter"...

Okay, with all the hoopty-do over Senator Craig's misguided attempt at entertaining the troops with a little "hand puppet" show under a bathroom stall, I can't seem to get away from stumbling into conversations with my gay brethren about what it all means. Everyone is talking about it, ad nauseum. Here are the main questions currently under debate, yet resolved byYours Truly:

Q: Does tapping your foot against someone else's and sticking your hand into a private space in a public restroom constitute solicitation for sex?
A: Yes, you silly bitches!

Q: Is it wrong to want to have sex in a public restroom?
A: Wrong to "want" to? Nah. Stupid to attempt? Certainly.

Q: If a "straight" man engages in sex with another man, does that make him "gay"?
A: Not in my book. Look, guys are biologically driven to have as much sex as they can get. It's what we, as a gender, do. There are straight men all over the world who get a little on the "dl"and go right back to their heterosexual lifestyle. They prefer women, but any port in a storm, if ya know what I mean. It cracks me up that we, as a collective conscious, can't wrap our brains around the concept of "bisexuality". Sexual Opportunism does not make you a fag. Do you think all the stories of prison sex are about converting straight men to homosexuals?

When Senator Craig pleads "I'm not gay!" - dude, I believe him. What he is, however, is a creepy, hypocritical troll. He's a guy who isn't getting enough kinky shit at home and, therefore, plays around on the side. The look on his wife's face at the press conferences just broke my heart. Maybe all she needed to do was fingerfuck him once in a while and none of this woulda happened. Who knows?

Q: Have you ever had sex in a public restroom yourself?
A: Almost none of those I've talked to have. Well, if you don't count the wild crap that happens in the men's room at any and EVERY gay bar on any given weekend. This question usually segues into someone talking about the time they went into the restroom of a gay bar on a Saturday night, only to find some freak stretched out in the urinal trough, inviting guys to piss on him. For the record, pissing on this guy does NOT constitute you having sex with him.

One friend, however, did tell this story:

Once, during a shopping spree at Home Depot, this friend went into the men's room, opened a stall door, and sat down. Once seated, a voice came from the stall next to his.

"Hi, how are you doing?" the voice asked.

"Fine, thanks" replied my friend.

"What are you doing?" was the next question from the voice.

"Well, I'm here to pick some things up for the house. Like you are, I'm sure."

"Can I come over there?"

"Uh, no. I'm a little busy at the moment..."

Then the voice's tone changed and said, "Look, can I call you back? There's a guy in the next stall who thinks I'm talking to him!"


Ice John's World said...

That's a interesting story from your friend. I cannot stop laughing after reading it..

Dick Small said...

I must say, I've been hit-on more than once by Mr. Craig. He kept saying his wife "didn't understand him". Well, now I can see why..

Dick Small said...

... because frankly I've no idea why he could have been so stupid. Unless, of course, he's just stupid. Then I can see why he could have been so stupid.